Go To Jail, Go Directly To Jail

Cecilia asked why I like going to jail- here's the story. When I first joined the cat kingdom, The Others were not-so-happy. They locked me under a chair upstairs, and wouldn't let me go downstairs. They had Feline-Power that I was unable to break. After a long time, they allowed me to go downstairs, and I was finally able to eat and wee in the big rooms.

After some time, I found a hidden power that I could lord over Kitten. It was a turning point! I simply had to get in his face, and he would get all upset and move backwards- I didn't even have to lay a paw on him! As I perfected my power, I was able to back him around the perimeter of the living room. Mom started getting worried that the old Kitten would get a stress-related Kitten heart attack. She tried yelling at me; didn't work- she tried picking me up and putting me somewhere else to interrupt my power; didn't work either.

In our old (1906) house, we had a dining room that was connected to the living room by French doors, and the doors were kept shut to keep us out. Mom finally got so frustrated with my power that she said, "That's it, you're going to jail!" She opened the doors and threw me in the dining room. I liked it.

When she let me out, I went right back to utilizing my power. Same consequence. After awhile, I picked on Kitten just so I could go to jail. I would use my power and then go and sit in front of the doors. If Mom wouldn't get off her lazy butt, the routine would be repeated. I finally skipped using my power and would just sit and wait to be thrown into jail. I liked to stare out through the lace while Kitten and Sprankeltje would stare at me from the living room.

I miss our old house.


Thursday Thirteen- 26 October 2006

Thirteen Things I Love-

1. My computer

2. My crinkly tunnel that I can ambush The Others from

3. My Mom's blood pressure machine, especially the jiggly rubber air hose

4. Going to jail

5. Having conversations, even if they are with myself

6. Looking out the front window, and knowing Mom has the front decorated better than anyone else

7. Being combed until I have only my guard hairs left

8. Having my tummy rubbed. God, I just LOVE that!

9. Reading other kitties' blogs

10. Mom caving in and letting me do things that Dad won't let me

11. Admiring the extremely handsome cat in the bathroom mirror

12. Cleaning my butt

13. Getting the first wee when Mom changes the litter boxes


Strolling, Strolling Over The Sidewalk Grey

I've been reading all these-there posts from cats that have their own stroller. I'm starting to think that may a fun way to go. I've been sticking my nose in my Mom's face, licking her face, and whispering "stroller, stroller" into her ears, hoping that I will brainwash her with my superior feline powers.
My will will be realized!


Torti Tuesday 1

I guess today is Torti Tuesday. Bean is not sure what exactly to do on this day, so she decided to post a picture of herself hiding.
You can't see her, can you?
Happy Torti Tuesday!


The Things About Cats

Cats hang out with witches quite a lot;
that's not it.
The things about cats is
they're always looking at you.
Especially when you're asleep.

Some cats pretend they're not looking
until you're not looking.
They are not to be trusted.

Some cats scowl because the're wearing
imitation fur. They feel inferior.

Some other cats look at you straight on
so that you can't drink your drink
or make love
but keep thinking
that cat's loking at me straight on.

But all cats do the same
they look at you
and you look out
and in.

A cat is not a conscience; I'm not
saying that.

What I'm saying is
why are they looking?

~~ John L'Heureux


I'm on Cat Blogosphere!

Hey, thanks to Merlin, we're on Cat Blogosphere! Check it out. I'm so excited that I have to take a nap. Mom gave me some goo-gaws (the slim-fast variety) to celebrate. I'm also a little nervous with the increased exposure- I've got flutterbies in my beautiful cream-color tummy!
Now I'm hoping that Mom will give us a little Matanuska Thunderstrike Catnip for a reward for our hard work. The Thunderstrike packs a particularly hard punch that makes my skin ripple!


My Name Is Sprankeltje, And I Am A Cat

Bean wrote this about herself-
Hi, my name is Sprankeltje, which means "Little Sparkle" in Dutch. I am a Calico, and therefore weird. I was adopted from the Humane Society when I was 6 weeks old. The Humane Society had just started spaying/neutering animals before they could leave the shelter, so I had some stitches on my belly. I had an amazingly loud voice for my size- in fact I had been left at the shelter because I was "too loud." When I arrived at my new home, I just had to run up the stairs, which I had never seen before. I made it most of the way up before I went tumbling down ass over teakettle. Mom was wailing about my stitches, but they remained intact.
I was weird from the get-go. I didn't like people being nice to me- I enjoyed abuse. I wanted to be dropped upside down on chairs, being stuffed in a bag and twirled around and being pounded on. If I purred, it was purely against my will, and it meant that my body was betraying me.
I also love water. I pat it with my paws, splash around and put my paw in it and drag the dish out into the middle of the floor so Mom can step in it- it just never gets old. I love getting baths, and sit like a lump in the tub.
My nick-name "Bean" came from "String Bean" because I had long skinny legs. Those days are gone. I am guided by the hunt for constant food. I walk like an armadillo, with my back humped up. I am a stealth-eater, and I will sit immobile over a dish so that it looks like I'm not really eating. Fools them every time. Mom always says that I don't really look very bright (like I can't even hear her!) Apparently I have no pupils and I'm always looking at nothing. I have a really hard time focusing on what is happening directly around me. I like to sit in a corner and stare into it.
As time wore on (I'm now 10 years old) I began to re-think the kindness angle, but in a weird S&M-kind-of-way. I found I really, really like to be spanked, and that it was wonderful to purr while getting spanked. When visitors come over, I will approach them and assume the position to be spanked. It makes Mom sort of uncomfortable, and it's hard to explain to the poor visitors. I guess in proper society spanking is frowned upon. I'm not that smart.

It's time for me to go put my head into Mom's purse and sleep.
Yes, I like to do that.


It's Coming!

It's coming! Halloween!!!! Time for all black and orange cats to run amuck and be happy! Time for my favorite treats- deodorant, toothpaste, french fries, sunblock and perfume. I am SO looking forward to it. Mom has a bunch of pumpkins on the front porch waiting to be carved into cat-friendly sculptures, and she promised me that I can try roasted pumpkin seeds to see if I can add them to my favorites list.

What are your favorite treats?


Cat Moves

I had a busy day today. I started my scheduled events in the wee hours of the morning. Mom and Dad leave the dry food in the utility room, and I can reach it by getting on one of the litterboxes. I decided that I'm not getting enough nutrition, so I made a feeding access hole in the bottom of the bag. Unfortunately, I spilled a lot of goo-gaws, and Mom noticed. She duct-taped the hole, and then put the whole damn bag in a large tin with a lid. What's that about?
I was also a baaaaad cat- I ran laps, jumped on Mom, traded claw-swipes with Bean and committed a wide assortment of illegal cat moves.
Bean and I decided to split up and hide from each other, and Mom took a picture. I think we look sort of cute. I've already got my list started for tomorrow.



Here are a couple picture of Sprankeltje (it means "Little Sparkle" in Dutch). As my blog skills increase, there will a lot more information leaked on "The Others" (Bean and Kitten).


Another Day, Another Try

I tried to post yesterday, but nothing was working out. So, onto today. Lizza had a wonderful suggestion- that I post some pictures of Kitten. Sprankeltje will get hers a little later. Thank you for solving that eternal problem of what to post today. My appreciation runs deeper than the water in my dish.

Kitten is the oldest (14,) and he is also the most beautiful. He doesn't really like to eat, so he doesn't weigh much. He was introduced in Mom's blog on 15 August 2006(Mom can't figure out how to link back to previous posts- you just can't get decent help these days!) Unfortunately he makes it very easy to pick on him. Poor Kitten.


Boy, This Can Be Hard Work

I really, really wanted a blog, so Mom set one up for me, but now I realize I need to do this everyday. Since I can do everything with a computer except for turn it on (turning off is no issue) and log in, I need Mom. Well, she wasn't here yesterday, so she is making me look bad. I can't get too mad- she is THE BEARER OF THE SCIENCE DIET. Gotta keep that in mind.